“Mal, I don’t think this is such a good idea anymore.” Katie’s dark-lined eyes scanned the corridor they stood in. Her hands nervously tugging the cords hanging from her black hoodie. They thought it would be a good idea to dress in Mission Impossible black outfits for their covert op, but now she looked down at herself and best friend, she felt ridiculous. This was probably the stupidest thing Mallory had ever talked her in to. She might as well put the handcuffs on right now.
“This is a brilliant idea. Best one yet. Have I ever steered you wrong?” Mallory crouched in front of apartment G-7 and aptly pick the lock.
“Yes, on several occasions.”
“Pff, I get you out of that damn comfort zone you’ve boxed yourself into.” Mallory jiggled the door knob and it opened. She gave Katie a sly smile. “We’re in.”
“How do you know how to pick a lock?” Katie asked. An incredulous tinge to her voice.
Mallory stood, shrugging her shoulders. “I know people. Now let’s go.” She pulled her hoodie down and walked into the apartment as if she had every right to be there.
Katie’s eyes darted around the hallway again. Why did she agree to this? Oh-wait, that’s right. Her ADHD on crack co-worker did everything he could and almost succeeded in sabotaging the promotion she’s been busting her ass for. Anger jackhammered through her as the memories of today’s meeting flashed in her head. She was not going to let that dickhead Tommy Trent get away with what he’d done.
They spent the next few minutes sorting through the two boxes of dildos that cost damn near half her paycheck. The plan was simple. Decorate his entire apartment with them and ruin his top-secret date with Daisy, the HR Director with their firm.
“Who knew they made so many different types. I mean look at this one?” Katie said holding up a double headed penis. It was velvety soft and confused the hell out of her. “How does this even work? Is it like a raunchy tug of war game?” She tilted her head and squinted.
“Ooo, what about this one!” Mallory held up a gigantic cock like a trophy. Her fingers didn’t come close to meeting as she waved it back and forth like a sloppy noodle. “Awe, that’s sad. I think this one needs some Viagra.”
Katie laughed. Snorted and then laughed harder causing Mallory to fall backwards laughing hysterically. Katie hit Mallory in the arm with the double edge dildo. “Shh” snort snort “We’re gonna get caught.” Snort. “Seriously…” and she was gone, lost in fits of snorting hysteria.
“Who’s going to catch us the dildo police?” They dissolved into hysterics again.
“Ohmygod, did you hear that?” Katie pulled herself upright.
Voices came from the other side of the door. Mallory’s eyes widened and Katie’s mouth dropped.
“I thought you said he had reservations.” Mallory whispered. Straining her ear toward the door.
Katie shrugged looking at the colorful penis display they had thrown around them. “Maybe she stood him up?” she whispered back, swinging her arms wide. “What are we going to do?”
Mallory bit her bottom lip as she tossed her hands up with the larger-than-life dildo still in her hand.
Mallory’s mouth dropped open. “Ohmygod, Katie. It vibrates.”
Katie rolled her eyes. “Well, it has to do something besides being limp. Now, turn that thing off.”
Mallory turned it upside down, then rolled it in her hands before looking back at Katie. “I don’t know how.”
Katie’s lips pulled to one side as she stared at the puzzle in her friend’s hand. “Shake it?”
Mallory pumped the mammoth penis in the air three times. Harder each time. “I can’t get it to work.” She looked at Katie in disbelief.
Katie chewed on the inside of her cheek, desperately trying not to lose it. “Don’t!” She held up a finger in warning to Mallory then pointed to the door.
Mallory’s eyes danced as she scrunched up her face.
The snorting hysteria followed.
The sharp click of the lock sobered them in an instant. Plastic penises flew through the air as they scrambled to find a hiding place finally cramming into the pantry.
Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz. The hum of the vibrating Goliath dildo still reverberated through the apartment.
“What the fuck?” Tommy’s voice boomed.
Katie scrunched her eyes closed. They were so getting busted. She could smell the stale, musty jail cell now.
“Is this some kind of joke Tommy? Or do you have some kind of fetish?” Daisy’s soft southern belle voice floated through the apartment.
“No. NO! I-I don’t know what this is. I swear.” Tommy said.
“Cause, you know, I don’t mind.” Daisy said all breathy.
Katie and Mallory side-eyed each other.
“I think it’s sexy,”
“You…uh…you do?” Shock evident in Tommy’s voice.
“Mmhm… like this one. Ooo, it’s already turned on for me.” She giggled.
Katie pulled back bumping into the shelves behind her. She looked to Mallory. “If they go at it right here and I have to listen to it, I’m killing you.” She half mouthed- half whispered as low as possible.
Mallory gave an outrageous eye roll then mouthed “whatever.”
“Well.” Tommy cleared his throat. “I guess we should put this to good use then… in the bedroom?”
“You read my mind, you dirty, dirty boy.” Daisy giggled again. “Oh, grab that bottle of lube too.”
Mallory gave Katie a broad smile and two thumbs up. “Told you, swapping out the lube with unscented Bengay was going to be epic.”
Katie glared at Mallory. “I hate you. I’m never letting you talk me into shit like this ever again.”
Mallory laughed. “Sure you will. Now, move it before we get caught.” Her eyes glittered in the dark, a mischievous smile playing on her lips. “Think he’ll get fired?”
“Oh yeah.” Katie grinned back.
Fun Fact:: Burning Revenge is a deleted scene from Alyssa's full length novel Scottish Embrace.